your parents love me but you hate me
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just come out here and I will go home with you...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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