new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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