He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
