Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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