apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
