so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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