If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
