lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
