Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
