I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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