brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I need to stop coming to work sober
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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