did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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