he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
