On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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