Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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