brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
