end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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