The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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