life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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