i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
