She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
