imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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