so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
