You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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