God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
