I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
