her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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