I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
