Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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