I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
