Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
