my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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