Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
