New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
why do cheetos always look like penises
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
