If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
