Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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