No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
