I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
