I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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