So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
