Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize