i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize