somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
