We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
