I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
