I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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