You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
