Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She even gives head with a lisp.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
