I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
