i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
