shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
