How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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