Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
