Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm at about main and main street
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
