I accidentally burped into my bong.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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