In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
