the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
