I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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