We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
