I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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