I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
