So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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