I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
