I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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