May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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