yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
