ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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