STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
