i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
