Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
