Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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