So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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